Reading my dear best friend Texan in UAE's post got me thinking...
First I will quickly talk about one side of my family:
I had not been in contact with my biological father's family for years. Its not because I don't love them or anything like that... its just... life happened, and a distance came between us after my parents divorced. A big part was because my sisters and I lost contact with our father (its a whole other story). We have recently gotten in contact with our family again Alhamdulillah and its amazing to see my cousins all grown up, going to college, having careers, marriage, children etc... I always remember my cousins from the last time I saw them, the pre-teen years. The same with my aunts I have gotten into contact with. MashaAllah, they are still beautiful and just amazing to think that they are grandparents and all... its bean a REALLY long time we were not in contact.
Living far away from family is not easy. You get used to it.. Alhamdulillah for technology that it is easy to keep in touch. But every time you get to visit them you get that feeling of how hard it is to be away from them all over again when it is time to part.
Its not just the time spent apart that is the hardest part. Its all the changes. The younger ones grow up so fast. Months can make a difference. I get to see pictures and get to video chat--but its still different to finally see the changes in person. My nieces and nephew were all under 10 years old when I moved away.
They have grown so much these last 5 years MashaAllah! It makes me sad that I am not there to watch them grow, to see the interests they take up, to help them with homework, to be their auntie. I mean, I will always be their auntie, but its not a hands-on role since we are so far apart. I can't wait to see them inshallah this summer. Alhamdulillah that I get to visit them though. Some people cannot visit their family who are overseas often so I am very grateful for that Alhamdulillah.
Now the other hard part--the hardest part--is seeing the older family members getting older-- seeing my parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents getting older.
The last time I saw my mother was in Japan the year before. I was shocked to realize her age... for some reason I had just never thought of her age. of course she is still just as beautiful MashaAllah, just older. And not seeing her for one year makes a big difference, not to mention if I don't see her for longer than that. When we said our goodbyes at the airport in Japan I felt really sad and thought about how I am always going to keep seeing her getting older.
The people I am going to talk about now are my step-family. I'm not going to use the term "step" here for them... they are my family.
The same with the last time I saw my father I was thinking how he looked older. He is a sushi chef and when one day talking to him about possibly coming to Dubai to open a sushi bar, he told me that he is probably only going to work another 10 years or so and then it will be time to retire... and it just hit me too about how he is getting older. The same with seeing my aunts and uncles.
The biggest one was my grandfather. He had fallen off of a ladder and hurt his back really bad. He had to have surgery but he was in immense pain for over a year. When I saw him a year and a half after he had fallen, it was shocking to see how much he had aged in just a year and a half. He was such an active man, and was such a handyman that he was always building and repairing things in the home. To be so hurt and so immobile had caused him to age so much :( Alhamdulillah they finally found a medicine that helps his pain so he is doing better, but he will never regain the strength he had back then.
I am now sitting in tears writing this... I am so sad that I am not there as my parents and grandparents are getting older and older.
I do not regret one bit that I married my husband and moved to UAE. This is my home, and my husband is who I want to be with for the rest of my life. Its just hard to be oceans apart from my family.
Crying over here. :(( I know to well how you feel. Subhana'Allah. It's hard and like you, I don't regret it either, but it would be nice to be closer. We talked tonight about this. I just am so blessed to have a friend like you to help me through the tough days. You are my family. ((((love you)))))
ReplyDeleteInsha'a'Allah we both will get to see our family, soonish.
masha-allah..
ReplyDeleteso sad ..
it's not easy to face this situation.
i know u are strong person..
im praying.. u and texan in UAE will meet your family soon..
insyaallah.. heaven for u and your family.
Insha'allah the day will come when you will see them all and have the chance to have fun with them and share pleasant moments sweets.
ReplyDeleteAssalam alaikum. This is so true and sad. I noticed the same thing last time I went to visit my parents. The moment I saw my mother's face in the airport - I burst into tears. i'd not seen her for about 4 years. She and my father- changed, started to look like old people. They get older and older and so do I. So little time left and I'll never have a chance to spend more time with them because we live so far away. It's like a painful reminder that time is slipping through our fingers. I'm not even sure if I'll see my father next time (he's not very old, but he's sick). It's also sad they are deprived from spending time with their grandchildren. I'm sorry they cannot see my children grow, play with them, love them, teach them. That's a sacrifice many women make when they marry a foreign man.
ReplyDeleteI hope my Mom and one of my brothers will come to visit me in Autumn inshallah. I often catch myself dreaming about it, how we'd spend time, where we'd go and what we'd eat LOL
You made me cry :(( I moved away from my family almost 3 years now and I finally got the chance to visit this past summer and it was bittersweet.
ReplyDeleteI hadn't seen my Mom in over a year and seeing how she aged made me feel so sad that I can't be there and see her all the time to take care of her and just be around her . . . you know. I was not around when my sister was going thru a really rough time with her youngest son (diagnosed with schizophrenia)and I feel so guilty about that.
Don't get me wrong I don't regret moving to KSA to be with my husband but it's hard (you don't realize until you live it) not having my family around.
Texan in UAE, I am so glad I have you too!! {{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteAnnfrendly, jazakallah khair for your prayers sister :)
Miss Dreamer, inshallah soon! :)
Alice, inshaAllah some of your family can come visit you. I am sorry about your father being sick.. May Allah make it easy on him.
you are right when you say it feels like the time is slipping through our fingers.
I dream about what all we would eat when my family comes (inshallah) too LOL
heart/and/soul, {{hugs}} sis awww so sweet of you!! that marble cake will make me happy too LOL :D
Liz, I am sorry if I made you cry... but yes, all of use who are in the same kind of situation knows how it feels...
I know about that guilt you felt not being able to be there while your sister during her rough time... it makes me sad when someone is going through a rough time and I can only try to help them over the phone... I wish I could be there for them.
May Allah give all of us who are living overseas stength and patience and that He helps us keep our bonds close with our families. Ameen.
Ohh big hugs to you twizzle!!! I know it is such a change to move away leave your family behind :( Alhamdulillah my parents come to visit us every year, but still every year, they look a little different :( a little more aged. I wish they would just move here ;))
ReplyDeleteinshaAllah you get go this summer!
Honestly, i could only scan this entry because i could feel it pulling at my own heart strings! I'm in such a similar situation, far far away and i don't see myself ever permanently going back for many reasons, and i also see my parents getting older and i just want to be there with them all the time! it's hard to balance these different sides, both pulling me in opposite directions...
ReplyDelete