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Sunday, March 28, 2010

Relying too much on maids and nannies...

as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

The sweetest sounds to mortals given
Are heard in Mother, Home, and Heaven.

~William Goldsmith Brown

These are a few stories of when a mother is pre-occupied with things other than her children, letting maids and nannies be the main caretakers instead.

 One 14 year old boy over at our home one day was snooping through my laptop and found a folder with some nasheeds in them.  He wanted to hear some so the first one I played was  "Your Mother" by Yusuf Islam.  

This is the very first part of the song:

Who should you give your love to?
Your respect and your honour to?
Who should you pay good mind to - after Allah,
And Rasullullah?
Comes your Mother,
Who next? Your Mother
Who next? Your Mother
And then you Father

Then while listening to this next part:

Cause who used to hold you
And clean you and clothe you?
Who used to feed you
And always be with you?

at this point, he said matter of factly,  "The maids did!!"

 that just broke my heart. 

I was at this boy's family's home one day and his little sister took me to her room and opened a drawer and asked if I would play something with her.  She took out a box full of stuff to make homemade bracelets and you could tell she has used it before so I asked her, 
"Oh, do you and your mom make bracelets together?"  
to which she replied, 
"No, my mom never plays with me."

and my heart broke again. 

Another story, a local guy my husband knows.  His parents had never really been close so they both have always done their own thing, not even sleeping together in the same room.  Well, his mother was always wanting to leave the house so the local guy and his siblings were pretty much raised by the maids (well, they were both maids and nannies).  His mother always replaced the maids every year when they were little because he and his siblings would start calling the maids "mom"

how heartbreaking!

final whisperlita--a funny memory popped into my mind after writing this--  Texan in UAE, remember when you asked me to change lil A's poopy diaper?  alllllllllll I thought I would still have the mastery of changing diapers I attained back when I was a nanny (over 10 years ago LOL)-- but nope... I lost all of it--alllll Texan in UAE walked in and saw the pile of baby wipes I had used and started laughing at me LOL 


  1. as salamu alaikum wr wb
    thats one more reason why i dont want maids. I believe that once u have a maid u will just get used 2 let her do the things for u and i just dont wanna leave my responsebilitys 2 another person. If ill ever get a maid than it would be just for 1 or 2 days a week for some cleaning nshallah :)

  2. This is happening right now in our house with my little half brothers and sisters. They are 6, 4, 2, and 1. And the 3 maids/nannies are with them 24/7.

    They are even in the maids room, even at night, which I never understood.

    Sadly, it gets better! One of the maids was caught with a strange man in the alley between the houses. and she is STILL here handling the kids.

    Thing is, I could understand if my dad and his wife (Witch from here on it) both worked. but they dont. My dad works 14 hour days, and in the weekend goes to his 3 bedroom villa in Dubai and spends to weekend away from his wife as she is annoying.

    She doesnt work. She doesnt study, she did at some point and dropped out. she has nothing to do, and yet her day is sleep till 11, go out with sisters, (Driver takes the kids and picks them up from school) and is on the phone all day till 12 am.

    So I know 1st hand what you are talking about. The 2 youngest have even started calling one f the maids Mama.

    Amazing isnt it?

  3. Aww, those are heart-breaking stories! I have a sister-in-law (male cousin's wife), who has two daughters. Ma'sha'allah, they are both well-behaved and while their mother has a big hand in their good behavior, they did have a maid who worked for the family for many years. Their mom works for a magazine in a high position, so she doesn't have time, during the week at least, do play, etc. Though, when I saw them back in January, my sister-in-law did participate in a game concerning hiding toys in different places in the room so the two girls could find them (after not looking while she hid them of course), but while also talking with my khala (mom's sister) with whom I was staying.
    So I guess this is not as bad as what you describe Sis, but when I ask about my nieces - my khala said that their mother doesn't have time during the day, and it's been the maid who has more of a daily influence on the girls, their behavior, outside of the weekend at least. Anyways, that's what I thought of when I read this.

    PS LOOOOOOOOL at the story of you and the diapers!

  4. Mimisha- its not everyone with maids and nannies that get lazy about their responsibilities towards their children... but I totally see what you are saying because there are people who get used to it and think they have to do nothing because they have help.

    ultra[blue]- now, on top of the maids and nannies being with your step-siblings all day long... for them to also be with them all night--that is HORRIBLE!!

    Its very sad that their mother doesn't want to do stuff for her own children. Well, let me guess--she buys them everything they could ever want thinking material things is what will make them happy?

    "Thing is, I could understand if my dad and his wife (Witch from here on it) both worked."

    oh, of course there is nothing wrong with providing care for you children if you have to work--but even after work parents still need to spend time with their children. The maids and nannies should be there to help them raise their children, not raise their children for them. Big difference!

    MuslimFirst- as I just said above there is nothing wrong with having a nanny if you have to work (of course they need someone there) but you can still be a parent to your children when you are home. Some people like ultra[blue]'s reply, rely on maids and nannies too much for selfish reasons. And that is really sad :(

  5. Wa alikom salam sis!!!! WE talk about this all the time. You know my feelings on this.

    At this point in my life, I don't want a maid. No ma'am. I could change my mind tomorrow, but I don't think I will. God only knows. I don't agree with the maids watching kids or even handling them. Why did they have the kids? But, I don't judge anyone who has a maid for house work! just the handling of the kids, I don't understand.

    When you told me the story of that boy. I was sooo sad and the girl, too. :( really breaks my heart. Insha'a'Allah we will never let anyone handle our kids! I just don't get it. I especially see people taking maids to the mall and letting the maid take care of the kids while the mom shops. Whatever! You had the kid! They're your responsibility!!! cut and dry!!!

    I will never ever agree with this! never! What's wrong with people. Good post!!!!

  6. LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL I totally forgot to reply to your final whisperita!!! I LOVE IT! =)) =)) Yes, I do remember and I couldn't stop laughing. YOur tooo cute and that's why I love you sooo much!!!!!! I love your love for my kids and your spirit! too.. :X :X :X :X


  7. Wa'alaikumusalam,
    Thats so sad, I feel sorry for such kids. I'm not really a fan of having maids or nannies as it is maybe that will change i dont know but anyways great post mashallah.

  8. Those stories are so sad :( I don't understand parents like this... spending time with your kids is amazing .. you really see a different side of them. Each kid has such uniqueness, how will they know this if they don't even spend time with them.

    LOL @ the diaper! Oh your so cute twizzle! May Allah bless you immensely for your true love for our children. Ameen!

  9. Heart-breaking indeed. :-(

    I just don't understand it. I wouldn't even want my younger sister let alone daughter in the car of maids.

    How can you live with yourself knowing a stranger is actually replacing you? Things like this just make me think some people should never be parents.

  10. care* Ugh...too much car talk with Ultrablue.

  11. Texan in UAE, LOL luv you too and luv your lil' ones (well, ok, so one isn't so little anymore--MashaAllah how she has grown) :X

    Amira, yeah, sometimes it can be a bad thing to have maids and nannies.

    OmAbdullah, I know, like your post you made about your journey to becoming a stay and home mom--it is such a reward to see your children grow. and you can still do this even for mothers who have to work--it may be less, but for most, as the saying goes:

    "A man's work is from sun to sun, but a mother's work is never done."

    and luv you and your children lil' cutie pies too :X

    Firefox, welcome to my blog :)
    "Things like this just make me think some people should never be parents."

    yes, and its so sad that there are so many people who want children so bad but can't have any... yet some people easily bare children but want nothing to do when it comes to caring for them :(

    "...too much car talk with Ultrablue."


  12. I didnt even bring up cars here!

  13. Twizzle this made me teary-eyed...and you know what? This isn't uncommon. It's like normal and accepted. My housemaid does all the cleaning. I take care of my children and do all the cooking. What do these "mothers" do all day? You know? So sad, so sad. :(

  14. MaMa MishMish, it is very sad. Sometimes we all need help but some people rely on "help" way too much.

    I was a nanny for a stay-at-home mother in Colorado for 3 years and she was a real hands-on mother MashaAllah. She taught me so much about parenting and inshallah I will have children and be confident in raising them. And I owe it all to her.