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Friday, February 19, 2010

Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down!

as-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,

Double standards in societies start.  Women are controlled--set to a level of standard men don't have to worry about.

Double standards continue and eventually, the women want a piece of the action as well.  And a revolution begins.

It starts slowly, women who "rebel" are at first are called names, put down, punished, harassed, beaten, tortured, or even murdered.

Over time, as more women start to follow, the changes slowly become accepted in society.  Then they take the next step in...and the next, utill eventually it is equality for men and women.  What equality you say? It is that women get to have the same "fun" and "freedom" as the men--forget about what religion has to say about it.

This is what happens in most societies and what will happen in the future in the societies where the women are still being controlled by their men, who have always been free to do as they please.

We are in the midst of this revolution here in UAE as we speak.

Is 100% of the blame on men?  No-- because not every man is bad and not every woman is good.  But society-wise, or culturally, a big part of this starts with the men.

At first, the women are behaved, sitting at home, waiting for their husbands, teaching their daughters to be the same way as they grow up and eventually marry.

The men--while they do work, are also out hanging out with the guys, frequenting coffee shops, "people watching" when it really is "staring down at all the girls/women."

They are also out at sheesha cafes , or billiard halls, where pretty women are waitressing and serving them.

They are out flirting with women, dating, having pre-marital sex.  It's all ok, everyone turns the other cheek, because "boys will be boys"--but they will only marry virgins.

Eventually, the girls want to have the freedom to go out as well.  To go out with their friends, go out to the mall (without any male escort), and to frequent cafes etc...   And if they want to smoke sheesha or cigarrettes, at the beginning it is a huge taboo for them to do so.... but over time, it slowly becomes more normal to see girls smoking it as well.

Girls then start to want to have the fun of flirting with the boys as well.  It is not only boys/men who have these urges.

Although virgin girls choose to not question that they are marrying men who have been sexually active, they start to get sick of this double standard that the men get to sew their wild oats while they are being "good girls" and saving themselves.

Girls start wanting to get to date...  and then to get to have pre-marital sex as well.   At first, of course they will do it as secretly as possible.  But eventually they will become more bold and start flirting and dating in public.  And they will eventually demand that they shouldn't be labelled as sluts for doing so, if the men get to do it too without being labelled.

 It all eventually becomes normal in societies that boys and girls will be out there flirting, dating, and even having sex before marriage.  It might happen more slowly in some societies, but it eventually does/will happen.

 These are the wrong rights to seek.  They are not rights given to men or women in Islam.  It should be women demanding that men conform to the same moral standards women are expected to conform to.  But reality is different.  Men don't want to change--they want to upkeep the "boys will be boys" mentality, so eventually the women will rebel, and want to be free to do as the boys do.

 It is different from the rebelling of women against oppression, or equal pay for equal work, equal educational opportunities etc... in Islamic societies for instance, educated women start learning their rights and fight the fact that culturally, men regularly disregard womens' rights. These are rights we shouldn't even have to fight for, but unfortunately, reality is very different in so many societies.

 Maybe if more men really practiced Islam the way it should be, more women would not end up bitter, disappointed, and sick of the fact that they are the only ones expected to follow these morals in Islam more strictly.  People need to stop turning the other cheek to the wrongs that men do culturally---but it is a sad reality that this will not happen in most cases.

 Before anyone goes up in arms over the statements I have made, I am not saying that each and every person is like this.  There are both men and women who will always strive hard to stay on the right path morally.  I am talking about societies/cultures as a whole.  It is a reality that has happened in some countries, is happening right now as we speak in other countries, and will happen in the future in other countries.

 It doesn't mean we should all just give up and go with the flow.  Let us at least start with ourselves, our families, and raise sons and daughters with the same moral teachings and expectations, and be good examples to others.

May Allah keep us on the right path.



  1. Asalamu alaykum, yes lets not go with the flowww!! pleasee no! Its so sad to see certain behaviors being more and more accepted into the society. May Allah guide us all!

    InshaAllah ya rubb your will NOT find my son at any malls just "hanging" out. I often wonder why parents allow their children to do those things.. what good will come out of a boy "hanging out" at the mall??

  2. Very well written, masha'a'Allah. Double standards, double standards. UFFF, it gets me sick to my stomach.

    It's always gonna be this way. Not only here in the UAE, but across the world. There's always gonna be that double standard. It starts in the home. If your gonna raise your kids to act and think like that, it's gonna happen. God's willing, I will raise my son to be like his father. Insha'a'Allah I'm doing a good job with my daughter.

    ITA with Om A.

    twizzle, i'll talk to you today about this. ;)

  3. Assalam alaikum

    Great picture!

    I agree with you!

    I notice vulgarity spreading among women here :((( And I always keep it in mind that if fathers and brothers, husbands of those women were religiously committed intelligent caring men- this would never happen to their daughters, sisters, wives. If women are bad in the family- very unlikely men of the family to be good.

  4. :(

    Very well written, and I have nothing else to add. I've witnessed the "revolution for equality" among women of my country.

  5. First -- i luv the picture ;-)

    Secondly, u said frequenting coffee shops, "people watching" when it really is "staring down at all the girls/women." -- i don't get the reason behind this?!?!? and the sad thing is that many of these men are married to women who are just staying at home. alhamdulillah DH takes me out & we have fun *together*, but it makes me wonder how the women who don't have this really feel? i haven't ever asked anyone directly but the women i do know who were stuck at home while their husbands went out were not very happy & demanded answers.

    great post :-)

  6. It's definitely interesting to see how things play out in real time. The generational gaps are getting larger and larger and it's exactly because of what you're talking about. Makes one wonder how much time until the "Muslim" countries are exactly like the US in terms of sexuality and sexual mores.

    Excellent, thought-provoking post :)

  7. The whole double standards issue is common amongst Muslims in many countries. A very unfortunate phenomenon! It just makes it that much harder for good Muslim women to find what they deserve... which is a good spouse.

    I don't think that women follow what men do in hopes of becoming equal. I think they're just using the 'revolution' as an excuse to follow their nafs and do what they want.

    I'm with you. It all starts at home with the right education and upbringing. Found your blog through Texan in UAE's one. Thanks for a great post =)

  8. I agree with you about the coffee shop thing! I really find it amazing how some men are just able to leave their marriage at the door once they go out. Why did they even get married in the first place? It's very sad.

    "maybe if more men really practiced Islam the way it should be, more women would not end up bitter, disappointed, and sick of the fact that they are the only ones expected to follow Islam more strictly."

    Couldn't have said it better - great post!

  9. MashaAllah Twizzle this is a wonderful post.

    The problem starts at home. Family values are diminishing and there are mothers and fathers who don't have the time/don't make the time to nurture religion and family values in their children. Some families will leave the entire care of the children to a housemaid. The kids are left thinking that what they see on the TV is the best way to live life and that is how it is supposed to be. Then that leads to a decay in society. All of it a very sad situation.

    May Allah help us and guide us. Ameen.

    Ameen to your dua.

  10. Assalam alaikum

    Can I use this pic? I want to make a post on a related topic.

  11. wa aleikum as-salaam

    sis Alice, yes you may use the pic :)

    just please state that it is copyrighted and you are using it with permission (you don't have to mention me or my blog--unless someone wants to contact me about the picture as well) --I have just seen my artwork on random sites before and once even edited by someone else as if it was theirs!!!


    ha ha ha I sketched it and then tried to scan it and the scanner wasn't working so I took a photo of it, uploaded it and colored it here and there with GIMP LOL

  12. Assalam alaikum

    Mashallah! I thought you found this pic somewhere in the internet. It's very well drawn, the idea of the pic is so good. These girls in black standing on the side humble and confused... I really like this picture!

    LOL somebody even edited it :))

  13. Mashalla. Very informative and systematic post. So true.

  14. Great post Sis. It's very true sadly.