As-salaam aleikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh,
For this post I do need to add a warning:
this is a MATURE SUBJECT
Here is the link to the article:
ok, now here is where I wish I was able to speak and read Arabic fluently. I would love to be able to read this book. A local woman named Wedad Lutah has written a book to help women learn about intimacy between married couples from an Islamic point of view.
The book's name is Top Secret (this is the translation, the book is available in Arabic only so far) and she wrote it after working in the courts for over seven years in UAE and finding many women knew nothing about sex, other than it is for reproduction. According to her, some husbands have been sending her death threats because the book has turned their wives against them.
This flippin' pisses me off when there are Muslim women who try to teach, or stand up for womens' rights and she is given death threats by men, or worse, actually killed for it. This is a whole other topic I will have to post about at a later time!!
If this book is indeed from an Islamic perspective, then it is a wonderful thing she is doing for women, Mashallah. I mean, if there are sexually selfish/ignorant (ignorant about female pleasure) men in countries where sex is openly talked about, then I can only imagine that there are going to be even more sexually selfish/ignorant men in countries where it is not. And on top of that, if there are women in more open societies who are too shy/scared to talk about sex with their husbands, than in conservative societies there are probably going to be many many more women who are too shy/afraid to talk about it.
And I know this is true because I have met sisters online who needed advice on intimacy problems. As a woman who is not afraid to talk about sex, I always try my best to give advice to the sisters. For some, the problem is due to the fact that they are way too shy to talk about sex with their husbands, but for others, it is a selfish husband who just doesn't care about giving pleasure to his wife.
One comment about the news story I read is --this person got it either from the book itself, or from somewhere else, but is just one example of a woman not knowing that sex can be enjoyable:
...”Read a case which went to court of a husband suing his wife for divorce on the grounds that he had never seen her naked body in all their married life. Her reply was that God gave her mammary glands for the purpose of feeding her kids and not for him to ogle or play with and reproductive organs for producing kids. After menopause as far as she was concerned there was no need for physical relationship as the reason for her creation was achieved....”
this book may help a woman who thinks like this. The book would also be useful for a woman who knows sex is supposed to feel good, but their husbands only care about their own pleasure so she has never experienced what it could really be like.
I often even wonder about some husbands who end up taking other wives, divorcing, and/or going outside of the marriage for sex because their wives aren't interested in it. I can imagine that some (some, not all) of the cases could be that the wife never knew sex to be pleasurable so she never got the motivation to be excited for it, and eventually completely loathed it.
A wife can loathe intimacy and still give her husband his intimacy rights, but I would think over the course of the disappointments and/or boredom of intimacy she experiences, it would get harder to fake it being fun. A wife may also be thinking that ghusl is a chore (the ghusl after intimacy, or before the next prayer time) because they get nothing out of it. And it would become obvious to him she isn't enjoying it at all. Some husbands might not care as long as he gets what he wants, but others might get annoyed and lose their enjoyment of it. So then the husband starts to want to find excitement, and he starts to look elsewhere......
If I could send a message to any sisters who reads this book, it would be, if you find the book confirms to you that your husband needs to be doing more, do not bring it up by telling him you read this book and then going all out pointing out his faults and criticizing him. Ask him to either read it by himself, or for the two of you to read it together and try to have a discussion on the matter. inshallah you will be able to have better intimacy and become even closer.
If I could send a message to the men that are sending this author the death threats, it would be, get over yourself and don't get all insecure!! pick up, read the book and try to learn something from it instead of thinking you know it all. Read the book together with your wives-- discuss the topics together and give some of the advice a try. Your wife getting excited for intimacy should only result in more fun for you as well!